Shopping. I. Detest. Shopping. Going to Costco on a Saturday (or any other day for that matter) is like nails down a chalkboard – except worse, way worse. I detest finding a parking spot in an overcrowded lot that is about 2 miles from the entrance. I detest when I get to the doors that there are no carts left. And I detest going through the aisles to pick up a few things as people browse and cross aisles (all the time getting in my way). I detest waiting in the checkout line as people talk loudly on their cell phones. I detest getting in another line to exit the store while I wait for the person who checks your stuff on the way out to draw happy faces for kids. Shopping. I. Detest. Shopping.
Contrary to the above statements, I’m actually a pretty patient person, but it takes work. The frustrations of shopping don’t bother me as much anymore and it is linked to being a professor. Let me explain. As a professor, I hear it all. The stream of excuses for late assignments, missed tests or low grades is seemingly endless – and tiresome. But I don’t get frustrated by them anymore, at least not as much as I once did. Perhaps I am a gullible professor getting softer with age, but I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. I try to put myself in other peoples shoes, especially the students because you never know what struggle they are having. The student falling asleep in class, I don’t bark at them to get their attention. For all I know they could be a single parent struggling to balance school, a job and child at home. If the classroom is where they sometimes catch-up on much needed sleep, so be it. Good for them for even making the effort. You never know. Maybe they are helping take care of an ailing parent or family member and are awake late at night. Perhaps they have a close friend battling a horrible disease in the hospital and spent most of the night by their side. Dramatic example(?), maybe, but you never know.
The late assignment or missed exam, perhaps there is major anxiety related to those stressors that the student has yet learned to deal with. You never know. The low grade on an exam(?), maybe the student really did study hard like they said and they blanked. You never know.
My point? The world does not revolve around me, my research, lectures, exams or assignments. I am not the most important person in the room and you never know what people are dealing with … so relax. That person in the checkout line at Costco on the phone who is annoying me(?), maybe this is the only time they get some alone time during the week and are calling a friend who’s voice they really needed to hear. You never know. And maybe the kid who just had a happy face drawn for them is on cloud nine after a crumby day and now they and their parents are in a better mood. You never know. But I tell you what I do know, it’s not all about me. I don’t assume I know the situation of anyone, student or otherwise and maybe I get suckered sometimes with assignments or whatever, but you know what, it doesn’t bother me that much. Because I also know that trying to be considerate of others and giving people the benefit of the doubt has plenty of benefits and not just for the students. My stress levels go down and I try to stay in a good mood. Tell me you’ve never had someone smile at you when you were in a bad mood and it didn’t make you smile back. You can’t. It’s not about me and it’s not about you. It’s about us.
So the next time you are shopping and you feel your blood pressure rising and you are going to explode because someone in front of you is super slow, blocking the aisle or talking (loudly) on their cell phone, give them the benefit of the doubt, cause you never know.
I’m not perfect and yes I still get frustrated like everyone else, but that’s what I try to do and I think my students would agree – we are both better off for it.
Til next time,
Kevin
Saw this video a few days ago, “This is Water”, by David Foster Wallace (link below). It gave me cause to reflect on how I’ve changed as a professor over the years. Have a look at the video, worth the ~10 minutes.
About everything academic: research, teaching and administration 